the book

ACHES, PAINS, AND LOVE:
A Guide to Dating and Relationships for Those with Chronic Pain and Illness

Chronic pain illness relationships

Are you living with chronic pain, illness, or both? Have you struggled to maintain or even consider pursuing an intimate, romantic relationship? Managing chronic health conditions is difficult on the best of days, and the added complexities that come with love and companionship can feel overwhelming.

In the Second Edition of Aches, Pains, and Love, still the only book of its kind, clinical counsellor and chronic illness survivor Kira Lynne offers compassionate and practical guidance and wisdom for navigating relationships while living with significant health challenges. Whether you’re contemplating dating or seeking to strengthen an existing partnership, this groundbreaking book provides real-life stories, practical observations, and proven tools to help you achieve the love you are longing for.

Discover how to:

  • Approach dating with confidence, even when health challenges feel daunting.

  • Communicate effectively about your needs, limitations, and boundaries.

  • Support and grow your relationship through the ups and downs of chronic illness.

With added content, a fresh perspective, and enhanced strategies, this Second Edition of Aches, Pains, and Love delivers an even deeper exploration and step-by-step guide for how to find lasting love and companionship while living with chronic pain and illness.

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(Available in paperback, Kindle/Ebook, and Audiobook)

Praise for ACHES, PAINS, AND LOVE

  • “I highly recommend this excellent book. Aches, Pains, and Love is chock-full of candid and down-to-earth advice, all of it liberally spiced with wisdom coming from the author’s many years of experience living with chronic pain and illness. I particularly appreciated the crucial distinction she makes between a partner being educated about your condition (a necessity) and your partner being able to actually feel what life is like for you (highly unlikely). The good news is that the latter isn’t necessary in order for a relationship to thrive, so long as respect and compassion are present. I hope that everyone who is chronically ill and is either in a relationship or hopes to be in one will read this book.”

    —Toni Bernhard, author of How to Be Sick and How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness

  • “Clear your calendar because once you start this book you will want to read it from cover to cover! At turns laugh-out-loud funny and poignant, Kira Lynne teaches you how to be your best self so you can have the relationship you deserve. She makes clear that self-improvement is a choice; choose this book and you won’t be disappointed.”

    —Susan Milstrey Wells, author of A Delicate Balance: Living Successfully With Chronic Illness

  • “Kira Lynne candidly shares her experience of what she has learned through dating and marriage while suffering from a chronic illness. Communication is key and this book delivers insight and communication tactics to educate the reader on how to best build open loving relationships. Kira’s witty style makes this an easy to read. This may be the most thorough book on dating and chronic illness ever written and I wish it was available when I was navigating the dating circles. Bravo!”

    —Lori Hartwell, author of Chronically Happy: Joyful Living in Spite of Chronic Illness

  • “Brilliant and long overdue. A must read for anyone living with pain or chronic illness and for those that love them. Bringing refreshing insights from her own personal experience Kira Lynne guides you step by step on a path to meaningful, loving, happy and healthy relationships, starting with yourself.”

    —Denise Stroude, RPC, MPCC, Vice President Rhodes Wellness College

  • “Kira Lynne invites the reader to share her journey through decades of Aches, Pains and Love with a degree of unvarnished frankness rarely seen in non-fiction. She utilizes her often painful experiences to formulate a practical, useful guide for any reader who lives with chronic illness and pain. The topic is sensitive, but Kira lays out a welcome mat for readers to join her and step through the door to a healthier life and better relationships. Beyond the central topic of managing relationships while ill, Kira shares a path to a fuller and more meaningful life with illness, whether one is in a romantic relationship or not. I highly recommend this guide to dating and relationships for those with chronic pain and illness.”  

    —Joy H. Selak, Ph.D

  • “Kudos to Kira Lynne for her efforts to help herself and so my others in dealing with chronic, often debilitating pain and illness.  With a wisdom few of us can muster, she brings hope to these conditions, a genuine hope for loving and nurturing relationships.”

    —Paul Steinberg, M.D., author of A Salamander's Tale

  • “Kira has written an accessible, humorous, moving and honest account of the very real impact chronic health conditions can have on romantic life. Packed full of useful tips learned through her own experience as well as wise counsel, this book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking a relationship whilst living with a chronic health condition of any kind. I could have saved myself a lot of heart-ache if this book had been available many years ago when I was a young woman first living with a spinal injury - daunted and shy about how to find intimacy and love through a sexual relationship. Intimacy and chronic health conditions is an area that is rarely discussed or written about which makes this book all the more important.”

    —Vidyamala Burch, author of Living Well with Pain and Illness: The Mindful Way to Free Yourself from Suffering; co-author of You Are Not Your Pain and Mindfulness for Women; and co-founder of Breathworks

  • “A comforting and helpful guide to navigating relationships while dealing with chronic pain. Kira Lynne walks you through a healing and hope-filled process to create safe and loving relationships!”

    —Abigail Steidley, Mind-Body Coach

Hear Kira Talk about Dating and Relationships with Chronic Pain and Illness

Aches, Pains, and Love:

Navigating Relationships When You Live With Chronic Pain and Illness

Aches, Pains, and Love:

Dating While Living with Chronic Pain and Illness